Going Crazy

It has now been over a year since losing one of my closest, if not my closest, friend. On the 29/06/2023, I watched my friend die after being stabbed to death. I have not been the same since. Seeing somebody you truly love experience such great pain and agony in a helpless state is traumatising. It hurts more when you begin to realise that these are the last moments and that you will never see them again. They were once a part of your daily routine, and in the click of a finger, the bond comes to an end. Although I still see him as a brother, it feels like he is just somewhere that I can’t possibly reach. I was mute. I didn’t know what to do and felt it was my fault as I wasn’t able to save him. For months, I was almost mute and locked in my room. I began using worldly things as a coping mechanism, which is my biggest regret as it created an addiction. The self-disappointment mixed with grief is unpleasant. Not speaking to his mother or family much after he passed away wasn’t easy eith...

One June 8, 2014, the glass shattered, the earth opened, my world crashed!!!  I lost my husband and father of my only child.   When you lose someone who’s been sick or ailing for a period of time it’s difficult, but losing someone suddenly, someone who was strong, energetic, active, funny, caring, loving, was earth shattering!!!! Your world stops! I remember thinking, “what happens now? What am I going to do?  How am I going to manage life without him? What about our child, who was just 7 yrs old at the time? It was tough. Talking to the police, explaining what happened, the doctor, paramedics….it was MAD!  Notifying family was HARD!!! Especially his parents!  His older daughter, brothers, everybody!!!  Bawling!!! Tears!!! Disbelief!!! Shock!!! Speechless!! And the recurring question, “What happened?” Me explaining again and again, reliving the experience over and over.  I also had to call his work and my work to notify them of my situation. ...